Valentine's Day - National Singles Bitterness/Awareness Day

Well.... over all this weekend was pretty good.

Friday... Poker night at sis's and bro's. I lost 10 dollars. dang it! Adam and his damn 7 card stud grrrrr. I guess the 4 beers and two malibu/cranberry juice mixes did it for me.... but no hangover whatsoever the next day.... amazing.
However, I did have somewhat of an epiphany that night as I was going to bed. I always thought of Valentine's day as over rated (which it is... why do you have to show you love someone just on that day? Why do you have to be especially nice to someone you like on that day? Why not everyday?). I still think that way. But for some reason the lonliness always gets to me. I guess it was the fact that I saw Kat and Gary dancing in the kitchen, Adam texting his fiancee (who is still in Cali).... it just made me miss the feeling of what it's like to be held by someone you have a mutal love. It's those times I feel desperate... I feel depressed (who wouldn't!?). Anyway, long story short, I started crying before I went to bed (I'm starting to tear up just thinking about.... damn you emotions!!!!!!!!) and Kat had to comfort me. The whole story of how she'd felt the same way during v-day weekend and how she still can't believe that she's married. But I should take advantage of this single life, play the field... be happy that I'm not tied down or wasting my time on someone I know that I'm not going to marry or be happy with. The gift of being single.... but it's times like these I wonder if it's really a gift.
I want to say I have a dream of being happily married with one or two kids and opening my own emergency clinic.... but I guess it would be kinda hard without a husband... lol. I'm to freakin young to think about this kind of stuff. But I feel like if I don't start now... there will be no hope and my fear of being alone will be... quite real, exsistent.
I'm turning 20 this year..... in ten years I'll be 30 and hopefully married. Ten years.... ten..... in all honesty that's really not that far away. It's scary.
Again, long story short.... just live my life to the extent of my abilities. If the guys out there don't like me for who I am, then they are fools. Which most guys are.


Saturday. Spent most of the day writing flag work for captin auditions for flag line... I'm excited. Then spent the rest of the night eating chinese food, doing homework and watching lots of Law and Order (all the different ones...hehe.).

Sunday. It was Sunday. Went to church with mom before I headed back here. Before that though I finished writing my flag work. I'm pleased with most of it. yay!!! I can't wait til Wed.