RIP Smokey

This past Thursday my favorite, most beloved cat, Smokey, died due to unknown causes. He was seen the day before with a field mouse in his jaws. I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I will spare the details of his death, but I hope that it was swift and nonpainful. He was only 10 years old (ish). I've had him since he was born. His cute little body and abnormally large head, which he grew into as the rest of him did.

I remember he would jump up to the top bunk where I slept for a good few years of my life. With his strong hind legs he would jump to full 8ish feet to the top where he would then strut around me like I was his prey. Then after "mashing" around for a few minutes about my head, he would plop down on my pillow next to my head.

In the morning, just before my alarm clock would sound, Smokey would get up purring away smearing snot on my face. When his snot-inducing waking method did not work, he would bite my nose, which, of course, would awake me immediately.

I miss my beautiful furry best friend. I don't think any other cat could take his place. I love him still and miss him so much even though I don't get to see him much.

Last time I saw him was the weekend before... easter. At least I got to say good-bye, but I didn't think that it would be the last...

Good bye Smokey, my most beloved kitty cat.

Mini depression

I'm not sure why but I just feel depressed.... I've tried so much to make myself happy. Food, tending to my plants, drawing new plans for jewelry, loving on David...

all I get in return is... how fat I feel, swatting a bees, how much money it would cost, and pushed away because i'm being smothering.

Why am I always smothering people? Am I really that dependent? Do I really feel like I'm loosing touch with everyone in the world right now and I have to prove my love by forcing it upon someone I love?

I'm sorry to everyone I've ever smothered. I'm just a very loving person and love being loved.

It's always worse when I'm depressed and need to cling onto someone or something to keep me from sinking into the abyss of manic depression.

I really need to start running/excersising. Maybe when I get back to home (after finals) I'll start running around Kat's neighborhood before work.


Happy thoughts:
Dave and I bought a grill. It was awesome!! Our first purchase together.... he's just paying me back cuz it's "HIS" grill cuz he's "THE MAN!"
Going to see my parents tomorrow!!! I'm so excited!!
My beads came in!!! I can't wait!

awful, no good, very bad week...

Ok.... ochem test... 67. Hopefully getting some points back on it, but i seriously thought I did better than that on it.

Physics test.... taken yesterday. Didn't finish it... neither did most of the class... good thing? we'll find out.

biochem test... taken today. FANTASTIC!! This is the only good thing to happen this week!! I feel like I made an A on it. I don't want to be too optimistic though. It might bite me in the ass.


That was my week... OH!!! and scary ochem lab helper wasn't ass humping me this week. *shudder* guess he took notice that i was pissed off...