I don't know where some people get off at

I know that lately I haven;t exactly been myself lately.

I've been really absent and pre-occupied minded, so I tend to forget things just a few minutes after being asked. I'm not really sure why this is happening... maybe a chemical imbalance... maybe i'm going mad.... I don't know.

But for the first time in a while I'm just not quite sure what to do.... about anything. It's like I'm a puppet.... I need someone to control my actions. I feel like my mind is off in it's own little world that doesn't exist in this plane. I'm not quite sure how to remedy this situation. I'm having trouble making my own decision. I've lost the will to do anything.

I want to go back to school where nobody can blame shit on me!!!

Friday evening I did some stupid shit... and it didn't help that it was crazy busy. First off there was a dental/spay. So Ms. Personality Clash and I sedated the dog and put it under anethesia.... we put it on 5 (meaning 50% ant. and 50% oxygen) which it should only be left on that until the dog or cat is fully under then boosted to 2 (20% anthesia and 80% oxygen). Well, Cathy left to help upstairs to do whatever leaving me alone (mistake number one.... i'm not certified [of course neither is Cathy... but still]. Well, I forgot to turn the stuff down to 2. Mean while, Dr. J comes down to do the spay and begins.... the dog is still on 5. Then Dr. Mieras comes down to check on things (or something like that... don't remember the real reason). She notices that the anthesia is on 5 and freaks a little. Cathy then comes down and freaks too... looking at me. I give a "oh shit.... i forgot" look. Now it's important to get dentals done quickly.... so my mind was set on getting the dental done.... quickly. I didn't even notice (let alone remember) that the dog was on 5. The pulse was going just fine.
Mistake number two.... Dr. J was knocking out these last three (including the dental/spay) spays before the days end (which kind of pisses us off because we [the techs] like to have surgery closed by 5 or 6). Anyway, we were going back and forth pretty quickly gettting dogs on and off the table. Long story short... I forgot to put one dog's anethsteic (sp?).

Now obviously I feel like a real jerk (not too mention this is bad publicity for the vet I work at) and a really dumb ass.... but really people you (aka Cathy) don't have to go behind my back and joke/complain to people about friday's episodes. It's not like people don't make mistakes. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect and that I can't remember everything everybody tells me.
I understand that her personality is very dry and sarcastic sense of humor, but she needs to understand that some people like me are very sensitive to what others say and think about them. This unfortunately is never going to change... so get used it!!!!

Today (Sunday) and 8am I have to go to work.... none other than with Cathy. To the best of my ability I'm going to voice my opinion. This is hopefully what it will sound like...but prolly not because I suck with words and I get flustered in situations like these:

I realize that for the past month, if not the whole summer, I have been a little absent minded and pre-occupied. I'm not making up excuses or trying to point fingers becuase that leads nowhere. The point I'm making is that I realize that I fucked up Friday... majorly. But you don't have to go around my back and make fun of/complain about what happened. I realize Friday that what I said may have seemed like I blamed you for not telling me to turn the anethetic down/on, but that was not my intention or goal. I also realize that it is through your dry and sarcastic sense of humor that you relay events to others around the hospital. I don't appreciate that. Instead if you have a problem, make it a formal complaint and take it up with Dr. J and Dawn or Amy.... not fucking telling everyone in the entire hospital. Or better yet confront me especially when I don't realize that I've made a mistake. I understand your sense of humor, but you need to take into consideration other people's feelings and the consequences of your actions... such as others' sensitivity. Now my sensitive personality will never change... wish it could but unfortunately not. So I would like to leave this consersation as is and get on with life. Shit happens.... it's a fact of life... move on.

I hope I can remember all of this.

Good night.