Bad dreams and beliefs...

Two things happened this mornings which I should recall... why I should do it on here is beyond my knowledge. Anyway...This morning around 4.30 I was awoken by horrible nightmare. I actually a few nightmares last night, but this one was more scary than the others. The dreams was... I was asleep in bed dreaming about my future life and being happy and all that when a man (who I don't know) steps up on a chair next to my loft. He preceded to whisper something to me (I have no idea what it was...); next thing I wake up (not really.. just in my dream) and right there stands this dark figure with a gleaming knife. I wake up (for real this time). Sweat rolling down my forehead, chest, and neck. What could this dream possibly mean? Next thing I know, I make the conscious effort to crawl down from my loft and lock the dead bolt (even though my door locks automatically). I crawl back into my loft trying not to wake roomie and I can't fall asleep until an hour later. What would Freud say to this kind of dream? Oh you saw something on television and you're reliving it? No, I don't have a television (yes... it is a very hard thing to do... but I manage).

The second thing of the day (so far... it's only 9AM you know). So I wake up around 8.50ish after a restless sleep (gee... wonder why that is). I look to see who is online and away and such. I like to read friends' online journals. Well, only one entry stood out to me. He started talking about religion and being a better Catholic. He said that he felt like he was straying from his beliefs. Well, I'm not sure where I place myself either. I believe in everything I say in the nicien(sp?...i'm a horrible speller... I know) creed, but there are some issues (issues are different from beliefs... in my opinion). Such as birth control...not allowed by the church by any means. Well... I hate to disappoint everyone but I'm on birth control because I have to be for medical reasons... what do you all say to that? Would you rather me bleed to death!!?? Yes.. that is right... in 8th grade when I started my period I bled for two FULL months... non-stop... heavy flow. Yeah... pain much? But I agree that if a girl uses BC for ONLY one or more reasons and one of those reasons is for just having sex with as many guys as she can... well.... that's just wrong. Sex should be a sacred thing. I have heard many people say it feels good, but honestly, do you think God would have intended it to feel good to share it with everyone? No, it is to be shared with one person and one person alone... your spouse. Next abortion... personally abortion is abortion is abortion.. etc. I mean sure I have never been raped or have become pregnant by incest (which I hope never happens), but a life is a life to me. I think a mother should love her child whether bastard or not. Now if we got into WHEN the abortion was made.... I will not go there.... I hate combining science and religion. End of story there. Don't you hate it that religion and politics have become so closely intertwined? Next.... homosexuals. I have a few friends and others I know that are gay. Some take the whole gay rights thing to a whole new level... scares me sometimes. But I will agree with my sister( no... she is not gay...she is getting married in October to a great bro-in-law) on this one.... if you can find someone in this world that you can love and be with for the rest of your life and be happy... then by golly go with it. That's all I really have to say about that. There is no changing my mind on these issues and I would appreciate it if you never brought them up with me to argue. You can merely state that you agree or disagree and if I boldly ask why? then we can start the debate.

Anyway, I do believe myself to be a Catholic. Sure I do have my faults which I usually try to work on. I curse way too much (but in the case that someone or something really pisses me off... I lose my cool). I often times don't respect my parents... which I am still working on.... I'm sure we all are. And I am sure there are a few other things I still have to work on, but have yet to realize it.

I am...

Has anyone seen the movie Fight Club? Well... I have... once... a few months ago. This movie alone stands out to me. Anyone wonder why? I sure don't; however, I do love the fact that everything you go through in life only makes you stronger. Sometimes I wish there were a girls Fight Club... that would rock my world. I would be there right now if I could. Why? I'm pissed.

I am Ginnie's anger. Earlier today I was suppressed through exercise but not all the way. I always linger there through happiness and depression. I (Ginnie... not my anger..whaha) have been blown off too many times by one person in particular... the bf. You can look at my previous blog and see what I mostly have to say.... but now for today. He was supposed to come up here to UGA for the weekend.

I am Ginnie's giddy and girly side. I go out and treat myself to a pedicure... haven't had one in a while... toenails look pretty now. He still isn't here... it's 6 o'clock... where is he? Call the cell... no answer (about three tries... no answer). Get to the dorm... he's online! Online implies home.

I am Ginnie's anger.... enraged by every fucking thing in this world. I say fuck you and the world you live in!
I am Ginnie's anger... not quite to my peak yet. "I thought you were coming up here tonite and we would go out." "not today." Not today I say to myself!!!??? What could I have done this weekend instead of wasting my time on you (thinking this stuff in my head... notice no quotes)? I could be home... I could be hanging out with friends I care about. "Why?" I asked. "I had other things to do today." "like....(long pause) what is more important than me at this current moment?" NO REPLY!!! Fuck you and the world you live in! This is your loss bf... not mine!

I am Ginnie's anger.... no longer suppressed.... I am out full and loaded! I want a punching bag.... oh my kingdom for a punching bag!

I am Ginnie's forgiveness..... The anger is too strong to overcome.

I am Ginnie's tears.... none have been shed for you(ever).

I am Ginnie's faith in God and purity.... I overcome all obstacles.

I am Ginnie's calmness... Subduing Ginnie's anger.

Rambling...

I'm back again.... not on a good note. I don't know what it is.... I thought that having the dorm to myself for the weekend would be kinda fun. Just lay around and do nothing... right!? Am I wrong on that fact? I could be mistaken... I often am. Oh well... good news... Brandon should (key word there... SHOULD) be comming up tomorrow. I can't wait! I haven't seen him in a month! Why a month, you ask? Well, first I went to Florida... then the next week Brandon couldn't seem to manged to get down here (aka he stood me up like three times in a row.... "oh! I'll make it down there tomorrow babe!" Next day... something would happen that he couldn't get down here.... I know.... I'm TOO forgiving...I know.... it's a curse). Anyway, the next week he was in Greece for the Olympics... then I had band camp. So yeah... you can imagine the withdraw I'm going through.

I love Dido

If you're feeling low and lost today probably doing too much again
spend all your hours just rushing around
do you have a little time for me

slow down my love you're confusing me
if you're feeling stressed just try calling
spend your time waiting for anyone to see
do you have a little time for me

(chorus) if you should stop for a while
you will find me standing by
over here, at the side of your life
I'd like to hold you still
remind you of all you've missed
if you have al ittle time, if you have a little time that is

why do you still run when you could walk with me
life will pass you by when you move this quickly
what can you see when you're spinning around
do you have a little time for me

(chorus)

if you let me listn I'll make you feel clear
spend your time waiting for anyone to see

(chorus)

Another note:
I don't really know anyone on my dorm. They are all girly girls.... I can't stand it! Some one save me from my insanity!

"And I will go down with this ship... I won't put my hands up and surrender!" As I said before, Dido knows all!

Think I'm gonna go watch a movie with a friend from church and some of his buddies....

It has begun....

Yes... in deed! It has begun..... School! Death and destrction (of sleep) prevails!

Eh... what did you all think of that beginning? Personally, I thought it was pretty good. I should write a book! HA... yeah right! Anyway, things have been going pretty good lately. Let's start with when I got up to Athens.... BAND CAMP!!!

Well, Roomie and I up to Athens at 8 thinking that we had to be here by 9. But in fact, we had to be here at 10!!! So, needless to say we left and got breakfast. Orignially, I was supposed to stay in the hotel for band camp, but our cg captain (she is sssoooooo cool!!!) invited me to stay. I love captain! She is the funniest and most extrordinary person I know. The flag work she has written is the most awesome thing I have ever done. AH! Now this is what flagline and flag work should be! Hmm... full band camp started on the 12th. I met some pretty cool people..... there is a party EVERY night. I didn't go to all of them though... unlike some people I actually need sleep. It's funny... in high school it's always been the colorguard and drumline hanging out; whereas in college... it's colorguard and the tubas. I like it better. I mean drummers have WAY too much of an ego problem! Seriously... I've dated one... I should know. Moved in on the 13th... that was... ummm..... interesting. I do miss home a little. My double size bed... Kat and Gary carrying on like the "children" they are... my mom yelling at me to clean my room or any other mess I happen to leave behind me... MY CATS!!!! I missed my sister's bridal shower :( of which I was supposed to be hosting. Met some people at church (remember my policy of mentioning no names... you should know if you're one of them).

Ok.... now I'm up to the beginning of classes:

Chem1211: MWF 9.05
English 1101: MWF11.15
Chem1211 L: W 12.20
Univ (learning to learn... yay baby!): TR 2
Latin: MTWR 3.35

Practice: MWRF 5 to 7.30

I'm trying to get more involved with my faith... cuz lately I feel like I'm just fading away from God and Christ. So.... to resolve... I am going to attend Scripture Study Tues. @ 7.30 and CSA (Catholic Student Assoc.) Wed. @8 (hope they don't mind my being sweaty and smelly ...hehe).

Hmm.. well, I think that is all for now! More updates to come!

It's been a while...

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've written anything. I don't think too much has gone on, but let me look back at my calendar. Ok... as most of you remember from my last post, I am starting to work at a Vet office. So far, it is the best experience of my life! In DeMolay, the fundraiser dance I with the help of the other sweethearts raised almost $600 for the JLP Scholarship Fund! That's amazing! I have met a new guy... no names (my Blog policy... like to protect my friends' privacy). He's a really great guy! Good personality... nice body ;)... the list is almost endless. Conclave was a few weeks ago.... I am no longer a Sweetheart... no longer bounded by stupid rules... in a way I still am cuz I'm under 25... whatever. My friend/roomie took me to St. George Island, Florida! I've never been to FLA before... sadly. Came back with a NICE tan! Unfortunately I will lost it next week at band camp.

That is right people you heard me... next week. Sunday, August 8th will be my last day at home. After that it is 13 hour days, 7 days a week... band camp. ick! I found out though that I will miss out on my sis's bridal shower.. of which I am the hostess of!!!!! What is wrong with that picture!? Anyway... Four days left. I have to pack all my clothes and separate what I will need for band camp, fix my bike, visit my HS band, dinner with a friend going to Texas (and possibly he's never comming back! :`( ), and hopefully, hang out with a few of my other friends all before leaving! I can do it all! Well, it is getting late!