What a mixed up day it has been...

First I bomb my bio test (76 baby!!!)
Then I went downtown shopping and out to eat with Megan. That was great! I absolutely loved it!!

Now for the sad news....
Steven and I rented a few movies together and watched them. I was going to bring it up first, but he beat me to it.... the inevitable question: what's going to happen this summer and from then on?

So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions.... most of which I could hardly put into words. So many things to consider. School, school, school, more school (huh.... after typing school so many times it doesn't look right), 4 hours apart, work, work, work, distractions (each other.... not other people).

I feel like it should be so easy to say "Go for it, damn it!" or "Give it a try at least and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out... at least you can say you tried."

I can see both sides of the situation. I am usually a pessimist and try look at the worse outcome of everything to see how I would come out in the end if worse came to worst. But... I don't know.

I'm not angry.... in the least bit. I am sad though.... no comment on watery eyes.

I know there are a thousand reasons why we shouldn't, but there are so many reasons why we should.... I just don't want to voice those over my blog. But let's just say they are your reasons for keeping anything that is goin great going.

This sucks, we both know that.

I still want us to be friends that can hang out (in our spare time).

You have no idea how happy it made me to know that I've made you happy. (You probably don't realize it, but you made me very happy as well. I've enjoyed this past month so much.)
And I know that you didn't want to do this.. I could see it in your eyes... I could see it in your poor attempt at a smile... I could sense it from the bear hug.... I could sense it from the many kisses good night... I could sense it in your voice.

I still have that little bit of hope that you would reconsider just trying it once we get back in august.

I don't regret a single moment....

Fucked by the system

Ok so let me know what you think of this situation

*NOTE: It is currently 1.30AM and I am very very VERY tired from studying biology sine 8pm... my brain in fried. End side note*

OK, so I get my term paper back from my history TA... I receive an A. Great I say to myself. Then I notice that everyone else got back there last book quiz. "Where is mine?" I promptly ask my non-english speaking TA. "Oh, you did not turn one in. I do not have a grade for you." I proceed by reiterating the fact that I was present the day of the quiz. I even went on to mention the color ink I used and some of the funny comments and mistakes I made on my quiz. He told me "Maybe it got mixed up with the other TA's quizzes. But if I do not get it, then I must assume that you did not take the quiz." At this moment, I stand there.... dumbfounded... rendered almost speechless except to say "I took that quiz." I walked out and ran to my chem lab (the last one of the day.... yay!!!).

Anyway, I will soon by writing my professor an email stating my prediciment (sp?). I do not deserve to receive a zero on a quiz that I know I took. I REFUSE to be penalized for a mistake that I did not make nor could have prevented from happening. I REFUSE to accept a zero of which could defer my getting an A in the class. I REFUSE!!!! DAMN IT!!!

I f***ing hate the history department.... I FUCKING HATE getting screwed/raped/fucked/whatever you want to call it for something I did not do. I want justice damn it, and I will not rest til this is resolved!!!!

And now to rest for my bio test of which will rape me up the ass.

Good night. gggggrrrrrrrrr

Birthdays

are always great..... gifts, friends, love.... and above all money from the relatives. Steven's birthday was today. He's an old fart now!!! (hehe.. just kidding!) The Big 2-2!! The age were you start to realize all your other birthdays mean absolutely nothing. The next one that is going to matter will be your 60th birthday when you are officially a senior citizen (or maybe that's 55.. you might want to check me on that).

I'm not too far along cuz I'm turning the big 2-0 in november... it's kinda scary!! Death to the teenage years and on to the adult years (physically anyway... mentally is another story!) I'm tired from today... good night.

Is it true!?

Ok... just to comment on my little "love profile thing" (see two posts prior to this one... you'll see the Scorpio link).

My positive traits:
making people I date feel extremely wanted - I have actually been told this by a few guys that I have dated.
loyalty - I am very protective of my friends... only once have I been called overbearing for it. So what if I'm a very caring person! That's me, and if you can't deal.... well, then you are obviously not worthy.
mysterious and charismatic - hhhhmmm.... I like. tell me more. In all seriousness, I must laugh. I mean... really!? I'm only a mystery cuz I don't talk about myself unless you ask. Charismatic - ppuuhleezz! I can hardly get my cats to listen to me let alone a group of people

The negative traits: oooh, this is where it get icky (but yet true...unfortunately)
tend to be paranoid and think the worst is going on with your lover - Ok, if I show ways that I care about you... please tell me you appreciate it or do something that makes me think so!!
turn cold and mean at first sign of conflict - not so much true, but I do start to lose faith (depends on the arguement though)
obsessed with dates and develop jealousy early on - hhhhmmm.... I don't obsess, but I do develope jealousy..... that is bad I know. Go with the flow! Good thing green isn't my color.

Ideal partner: };} Wow.... I'm speechless
Someone who will take time to win you over. Not an easy task! - Hell yeah that is right! You gotta prove your worthiness! I'm not saying bend over backwards for me, but it take more than just being a gentleman.
Needs a lot of stamina - I think that speaks for itself.
Reassures you of their love and loyalty on a daily basis!!!! - DING DING DING DING! I think we got a winner!!!! Listen, I know that you know that I know you like me.... but don't be stubborn and cocky about it. Note of chivalry that ALL guys should take down: Even if it's just a text message in the morning or an IM or written note, told to the face or written on a piece of napkin.... give us a compliment, a good morning note, something that says I like you or I'm thinking about you.

Your dating style: Very true
I don't like distractions.... going out at a resteraunt can be a good thing every once in a while, but I like intimate conversations and surrounding.... even if it is eating chinese on the couch watching a movie (candles could be a plus... but we won't go there)

Seduction style: uuuummm..... well, I can't really tell just yet.
Hmmmmm....
Hmmmm.....
rreaaallly..... interesting

Tips for the future:
Secretive - I try not to be.... my rule: if you don't like me the way I am... then I guess it just ain't gonna happen. Don't try to change and I won't try to change you... plain and simple
Let go of jealousy - Does this person realize how hard that is to do!!!!!??? obviously not
So I should spend more time 1. shopping 2. working (and making money to spend for shopping) 3. sun tanning 4. running 5. swimming 6. spinning my flag and writing work..... I think I can do that

Best color to attract mate (mate!!?? they make it seem to barbaric)
dark red.... heeellllz yeah! favorite color (besides black and blue..... and silver... and green)

Best day for a date:
Tuesday!!!? Hhhmmm.... any connection with not having band practice on tuesdays!!?


Well I think over all this is a good profile of me and my "love life." I hope I haven't scared anyone... does this make me seem high maintence?? I'm not kidding... does it!? I hope not. I'm really not....

: /

Well, there isn't much to report on since my life is very boring... at least I think it is.

I signed up for classes on Tuesday, and I guess that I'm satisfied with it. I finally must face the cruel punishment that most college students face.... 8am classes. Luckily it is just one class: Bio lab. So over all:

Poultry Science 2020 (stop laughing!!!) - MW 905-955
Organic Chem 2211 - MWF 1010-11
Biology II - MWF 125-215
Human Geography - MWF 230-320
Bio lab - T 8-955 (uuuurrrrggg)
Poul lab - T 200-445
Chem lab - R (Thurs.) 1230-315

Then flagline practice MWRF 5-730

I'm liking this only two classes on tuesday and one class on thursday thing :)

Anyway, good news. I got a 92 on my chem test so I think I pretty much have an A in that class. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I get all A's again this semester. I'm a little worried about History and Chem lab.... no, seriously. The history I can deal with a B in (even though a B in there will hurt worse since it's a 4 credit course than Chem lab which is 1), but Chem lab!!?? Who gets a B in chem lab!!!!??? That is the equivalent of getting a B in walking class (or any PE class for that matter)!!!!

Oh well... I'm just gonna have to live with disappointment.

13 days til I'm out of this hell hole of a dorm.

Geeze..

It seems that being a Scorpio isn't all it's cracked up to be :)


This is about 98% true of how I act.... seriously.

I guess so...

Here was just a funny quiz I took.... I think it's pretty much true. And it definitely proves that my Yankee parents have some what of an influence on my speech along with my Redneck, dixie friends...

Your Linguistic Profile:

65% General American English

15% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The joys of drinking....

Top three hangovers of my freshman year at college:

1. New Years on Bowl Trip
2. My sister's wedding weekend
3. This morning

Yeah, so the guy I'm dating (Steven) and all his room mates threw a huge party for Amit (one of their roomies). It was great.... until the amp blew and we had no more music :(
But it was a great party nonetheless! I had so much fun, I had a severe headache the next morning to remind me just how much fun. Thank God for Tylenol!!!!!

This really makes you think...

"The God Who Loves You"
by Carl Dennis


It must be troubling for the god who loves you
To ponder how much happier you’d be today
Had you been able to glimpse your many futures.
It must be painful for him to watch you on Friday evenings
Driving home from the office, content with your week –
Three fine houses sold to deserving families –
Knowing as he does exactly what would have happened
Had you gone to your second choice for college,
Knowing the roommate you’d have been allotted
Whose ardent opinions on painting and music
Would have kindled in you a lifelong passion.
A life thirty points above the life you’re living
On any scale of satisfaction. And every point
A thorn in the side of the god who loves you.
You don’t want that, a large-souled man like you
Who tries to withhold from your wife the day’s disappointments
So she can save her empathy for the children.
And would you want this god to compare your wife
With the woman you were destined to meet on the other campus?

It hurts you to think of him ranking the conversation
You’d have enjoyed over there higher in insight
Than the conversation you’re used to.
And think how this loving god would feel
Knowing that the man next in line for your wife
Would have pleased her more than you ever will
Even on your best days, when you really try.
Can you sleep at night believing a god like that
Is pacing his cloudy bedroom, harassed by alternatives
You’re spared by ignorance? The difference between what is
And what could have been will remain alive for him
Even after you cease existing, after you catch a chill
Running out in the snow for the morning paper,
Losing eleven years that the god who loves you
Will feel compelled to imagine scene by scene
Unless you come to the rescue by imagining him
No wiser than you are, no god at all, only a friend
No closer than the actual friend you made at college,
The one you haven’t written in months. Sit down tonight
And write him about the life you can talk about
With a claim to authority, the life you’ve witnessed,
Which for all you know is the life you’ve chosen.


This is a very powerful poem... it's the one I'm using for my poetry presentation. If you have any comments, please do so in the comment section. All I have to say is that it really makes you think.

Relaxation is wonderful!

Well... this past week as been astounding!! Wednesday Night I got done with my homework at 9.30AM. Ever since then things have been pretty much winding down. As long as I stay on top of everything, things should be going pretty good.

Here are some major things to do before the end of the semester:
- Poetry Presentation (which is going great since I found a "Study Guide" to my poem, written by the man who wrote the poem.... how much better can this get!?)
-History Term paper (haven't started it yet... I need to re-watch the movie The Grapes of Wrath)
- Bio Test
-Chem Test
-Chem formal lab report

Those are all the major assignments/tests left of the semester!!!

GREAT NEWS!!! I got a 92 on my 3rd english paper!!! Now all I have to do is rewrite my 2nd paper for a better grade (got an 84 on it the first time)!! I think I might pull out an A in this course after all!!! (awaiting my grade on my 4th essay [in-class essay]) *pray for me please*

G-Day was pretty good even though Brett wasn't there :( But in essence he was when Candy had him on the phone to listen to the band. But yeah....we won the game!! (hhahaha... sorry I had to do it!)
After G-day, Steven and I went to get some pizza and relaxed at his place for a while. He had to study for a biochem test, so I pulled out my chem and got my homework done. It was nice just spending time with him and relaxing. However he called me a nerd cuz I was reading his biochem book (yes... I am a nerd and damn proud of it!!!).

Anyway, the day is young!!

Today started like any other

day.... falling asleep in chemistry and biology.... writing my in-class essay in English.
I started diligently reading my book for history (I have a quiz over it tomorrow) and finished!! Then I had chem group meeting... that is done. Done and Done... all my homework is done!! It feels great to be carefree right now! I finished homework at 9.30pm. I don't know what to do with myself!!

Good things that happened today (besides finishing homework early):
- ice cream with Steven :)
- subway for dinner


Now for a somewhat depressing note (but to me I just have to laugh.... just cuz I'm glad my parents aren't this way. Thank God for cool parents!!)
First note is that it's funny how many girls complain and yell at people over their phone like nobody else on the hall can hear them.....
So this girl is yelling into her phone "It was just dinner!? A guy asked me to dinner as a friend!? Why can't I go to dinner with a friend?!!!!"
So initially Emmy and I think that she is talking to her boyfriend or something... then she says "Dad! Stop yelling!!" The conversation continues.... sobbing and all.... sch drama lemme tell ya. This is something you don't hear everyday. So then her father apparently calls her "easy" and something else that was really disrespectful and a father just shouldn't say things like that to her daughter. Man! If my parents were that conservative.... I seriously wouldn't have any friends considering my guy friends to girl friends ratio is 3 to 1. I feel bad, but all that drama is just so ridiculous that I have to laugh a little.

I know this makes me seem as insensitive, cold and all that, but seriously people. If you were here right now listening to all this.... I could have sworn I was in a soap opera right now.

Venting Time...

Ok.... so the reason I hate technology....

Attempting to make this long story short:

So I get back from raquetball :) , shower and then clean. And I decided to start my chem lab report (instead of reading). I pop in the orange diskette that has my report saved.... and it says that I need to format the diskette cuz it can't read it!!!!??? WTF!!?
So I pop in the diskette with my bio reports (red diskette... very important cuz I have to submit a hard copy).... and it says the same thing!!? *Thinking: oh fuck.... oh please mary mother of God let my other disks work* I pop in my english diskette (blue).... wait for it.... IT WORKS!!? Ok... I don't understand cuz everything was saved using my desktop computer at home. So I go downstairs and email the documents to myself (the lab downstairs is able to read my disk...). I save everything to my laptop and pop in a new red diskette: I press save to save my bio reports again. And the computer says it can't cuz it can't read the disk in the first place and i have to format it??????!!! What the hell does that mean!? So I pop in a green disk.... THAT WORKS. The orange didn't work again either (when I tried to save my chem report).

So moral of the story: orange and red disks don't work and blue and green do. Purple might work.... those disks haven't been tested yet.

Jon... any suggestions?

Giddy as a school girl

This is weekend has been the best weekend of quite possibly my life!

Friday night I went to a party with Steven and met a few of his friends and room mates. Then we went downtown, where we frolicked through the pouring rains. (which was incredibly fun!!!! even if i did get soaked...hehe) Afterwards we induldged in watching DVDs of the Chapelle show which was hilarious since I haven't really watched the show much.

Saturday we slept in. (He let me sleep in his bed while he had the couch.... i felt bad cuz i felt like i kicked him out of his room). But the bed was comfy ;) We left around 4.30 or 5 to head to my sister's place. Gary had 10 free tix to see the Gwinnett Gladiator's hockey game. The game was freakin awesome!!! Great fights.... some guy lost a tooth!!! LOL. We got back, watched some comedy (Mitch Hedburg [may he rest in peace] and Brian Regan), and played trivial pursuit 90s. After everyone went off to bed, steven and i stayed up watching Dave Chapelle: Killing them softly.... which was really funny. We fell asleep on the pull out couch (hehe.... i love snuggling! :) )

Sunday (today) we woke up around 12.30 (damn day light savings time!!) and started getting ready to go to IHOP. yummy!! Beforehand, kat and jon decided to mock me privately cuz they saw steven and i asleep on the couch earlier. IHOP was fan-tas-tic!! We came back from brunch and watched some tv and a movie (50 first dates). Neither of us had seen it before. It turned out to be a really good movie.... especially the part when steven kissed me! *blushing*
We made our way back to Athens, and about half way back i realized that i had forgotten my cell phone back at my sister's *feeling like a dumbass*. Thankfully steven was a good sport about it. We finally got back to Athens around 9.15 and steven made mac and cheese (great dinner btw ;) ). He walked me back to my car and kissed me again *blushing*!!!

So I believe that this weekend was indeed the best by far!!